Dewkid

Grocery Ninja Update v.1.3.4.1

2012-01-26T18:36:00.000-08:00

Just updated Grocery Ninja to fix a couple of bugs, and add more Ninja sounds. Also, there's a new feature to allow you to confirm your voice entry items before they are finalized to the list.

BTW: the new update may "expose" some empty list items at the bottom of your grocery list. Don't worry: they're harmless! These empty items were being created as a result of a bug that I just fixed, so they shouldn't happen anymore. Hopefully you don't have any, but IF YOU DO, just go ahead and delete them. I've been using the app for over a month now, and only had 5 of these blank entries, so it shouldn't be too big a deal to clean up. Sorry about that!

Grocery Ninja

2011-12-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

I just published my first ever Android app! It's called "Grocery Ninja" and was a perfect first app to write to teach me about all the different aspects of Android programming: Activities, ListViews, TouchEvents, and even some SQLite database work. :)

Granted, I've been programming in Java for something like 10 years, and programming in some form or another for the last 25 years, but writing for a mobile smart phone has got to be the most fun thing I've gotten to do so far.

Why a Grocery app? After all, there's got to be 1000's of these available in the Android market! Well, the truth is that I tried probably a dozen or so grocery apps when I first got my Droid X, and none of them really did what I wanted. So many of them are so full featured, I could barely use the things without hitting all kinds of unnecessary features! I considered writing my own, but then I never got around to it. Then one day, my youngest brother sent me an e-mail:

Hey Bro!

I have an app I’d like you to create. We’ve tried several grocery apps (about 10 so far), but have yet to find one we like.

I’d like to be able to add a store, setup my own aisles/depts for that store, and be able to sort them in the order I want.

Then, I’d like to add a grocery item and specify what store/aisle I want to get it from. It would also be nice to add quantity and approx price.

Once I’m done with my list, I want to be able to see the approximate total for all my items and check them off as I purchase them (maybe even update the price to actual purchase price).

The next time I go to create a list, it should remember my preferences (and prices) for previously added items. For example, apples would automatically fall under produce at Safeway.

Entry should be available via keyboard or voice command. I saw one where you could say “and” and add multiple items at once (i.e. “apples and pears and broccoli” would list as 3 separate items).

I was a little taken aback, because this is exactly the same thing I wanted in an app. I'm not sure if my brother thought I would actually take it on or not, but I decided it was time to get my feet wet in Android land.

Well, its been a long road (been working on this off and on since early November), but its finally published. If you have an Android device, and want to give a look-see, search for "Grocery Ninja" in the market, or visit the Android Market on the web.

Truck of Doom

2011-08-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a video I made today as my carpool passed by the Truck of Doom:

This behemoth of a truck has 192 tires and is 399 feet long. It is carrying a 380 ton piece of the San Onofre nuclear reactor. The electric company is moving this piece to Utah, where it will be stored.

Apparently, it will be moving right through the middle of Temecula, CA sometime tonight. This is a video I took of it parked just outside of Temecula at the Border Patrol station.

The truck IS radioactive: apparently standing next to it for an hour is equivalent to a dental x-ray. Let's hope they get that thing in and out in a hurry.

News Article

Update 8/4/2011

This monster is now parked IN Temecula:

Latest News

Walking with RunKeeper

2011-07-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

A recent physical left me with advice from my doctor that I should exercise regularly. As I've never gone out of my way to exercise, I asked him "What should I do?" He suggested as a start, to walk for 30 minutes, 4 days a week.

Rather coincidentally, my company started a "10K-a-day" competition, and asked for employees to start their own teams. I usually ignore all the fitness stuff, but on a whim, I decided to start a team for the software group.

By starting a team, I got a free pedometer, and learned that I need to walk 10 thousand steps a day for an entire month. Ouch! That's going to be hard! I've learned that 10 thousand steps is roughly equivalent to 5 miles, and that's certainly more than I've ever done on a daily basis. Still, I want to make this work.

A friend of mine had this application called RunKeeper on his iPhone. It uses GPS to follow your walk/run, and gives you feedback like:

Distance
Pace (minutes/mile)
Calories burned

That's pretty cool, but what is REALLY neat, is that it also plots your activity on a Google map, so you can see where you've been. It also displays the elevation change, tied to the map, so you can see where all the hills and valleys were.

As I have a Droid X instead of an iPhone, I was curious to see if it was available for me... and it was! Same features, and it works great. Now I can keep track of all my walks, and see where I've been, and how far I've gone. I've tied my RunKeeper account to a friend at work, so we can see what the other has done.

Anyway, if you do regular activity (biking, running, walking, hiking, etc), and have a smart phone, definitely check this app out!

Thanks a lot Mr. Camping

2011-05-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

If you don't get the sarcasm there, it should be dripping with it. If you don't know, Harold Camping has predicted the end of the world tomorrow at around 3pm (if I'm understanding that correctly). Of course, he'll be wrong again (this isn't his first prediction), but that doesn't prevent the local news networks from giving him the publicity he's after. Heck, I'm even doing it!

Anyway, my middle daughter (the one most sensitive to this kind of news) just heard about it on the news following an episode of the Simpsons. She came running into our bedroom with tears in her eyes, and it took me close to an hour to console her. We have a Pool Party tomorrow starting at 3pm, and I assured her that we'll be swimming and enjoying hot dogs and chips at 4:00pm tomorrow. I'm not sure I fully convinced her, so she'll probably spend a restless night of sleep worrying about it, and be a mess tomorrow.

Hey Mr. Camping, since you and your people are the only ones going to Rapture, couldn't you have kept this to yourselves? Or do you just get off scaring little girls?

END RANT

UPDATE 5/21/2011 - 9:30pm

Surprise surprise. Still here. At least now I can teach my daughter the folly of listening to false prophets.

Devo to hire Charlie Sheen?

2011-03-04T11:34:00.000-08:00

This SanDiego.com interview with Gerald Casale definitely raises my eyebrows. It just makes me want to say "you guys!"

Anyway, there's a link to a video on that page that was pretty danged fun to watch. At the end of episode 1, there's a link to episode 2, which I also watched. It was interesting to see the members of Devo in a corporate setting, particularly because they were poking fun at it.

QR Barcode Blog Entry

2011-01-13T14:41:00.001-08:00

Sweet Scam

2010-11-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

I found this site (SweetScam.com) by accident the other day, and found it to be quite interesting. It debunks many of the myths surrounding sugar, and supports a lot of the beliefs I've had about sugar for years.

For example, there's no such thing as sugar "hyperactivity" as it concerns kids. Definitely a pet peeve of mine when I hear someone say "Yeah, Johnny is pretty wound up with all the candy he just ate!". The kid is more likely to be hyperactive after eating a french fry, than a piece of chocolate.

Another one that bugs me, is that a large amount of sugar can lead to diabetes. Being that my blog namesake comes from the high-sugar drink Mountain Dew, I am definitely bothered by this false conclusion. In fact, the American Diabetes Association says simply "No, it does not.". Type 1 diabetes is genetic, and type 2 diabetes is a combination of genetics and being overweight (for the most part). Sure, sugar can contribute to weight gain, but so can any number of food sources.

Anyway, you might not agree with what the site presents, but they do a pretty good job of following up with references that you can read yourself to draw your own conclusions.

Are We Not Men?

2010-10-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

"We are DEVO!"

DEVO is coming to play at a venue, relatively close to where I live (about an hour drive). I'm not sure I'm going to go, but it would be pretty cool if I could. Definitely one of my favorite bands, and I've never seen them live.

I was reading their history page (see venue link above), and was surprised to see that one of the band members (Gerald Casale) has worked with the band Rush in the creation of music videos. How's that for a tie-in with the previous post!

The venue look interesting:

View Larger Map

A friend of mine said it's a reasonable size location, but you are right there with the band on the dance floor. That almost makes it worth going. Now where did I put my Energy Dome....

UPDATE:

It appears DEVO has postponed their show, because Bob Mothersbaugh cut his right thumb to the bone with a piece of glass! Ouch!!! I guess the whole tour is on hold.

Jacob's Ladder

2010-10-10T21:19:00.000-07:00

A couple Fridays ago, I was making my hour-long commute home, when something really quite amazing happened.

We had just come off a week-long run of super hot weather (110-115 degrees F), and then suddenly we had this day of thunderstorms. I mean ALL day, the sky was alight with lightning, the explosions of thunder, and torrents of rain. That day, there were several times where the lightning and thunder exploded directly overhead, and everyone went to the office windows in amazement, and a little fear.

When it was time to go home, I was certain the freeways would be clogged with traffic, and my normal hour commute would drag on to nearly two hours. I grumbled a bit as I climbed into my car, with the rain beating down, and the lightning crashing all around. I drove the short distance to the freeway, and as I merged into traffic, the song "Jacob's Ladder" by Rush started playing on my XM radio.

Though I would rank Rush as one of my favorite bands, I had never heard this particular song before. As I listened to the words, it became quickly apparent that the song was completely appropriate for the strange weather. In fact, the sky seemed to dance in tune to the song, and I found myself in surreal state of mind as I watched the sky, and listened to the music.

At the climax of the song it happened: a full rainbow appeared just as the sun was vanishing behind me. The sky got darker, and the rainbow got brighter. At one point, there was a single shaft of multicolored light apparently bursting from the ground, and shooting upwards into the night sky. I realized I had to capture the moment, if possible, and tried to snap pictures with my cell phone. (yeah yeah, I know, not safe, yada yada) Anyway, the picture doesn't do the sight justice, but for what it's worth, here it is:

Jacob's Ladder - Rush

The clouds prepare for battle
In the dark and brooding silence.
Bruised and sullen stormclouds
Have the light of day obscured.
Looming low and ominous
In twilight premature
Thunderheads are rumbling
In a distant overture...

All at once, the clouds are parted.
Light streams down in bright unbroken beams...

Follow men's eyes as they look to the skies.
The shifting shafts of shining weave the fabric of their dreams...

Robotic Bees

2010-08-20T17:30:00.001-07:00

On Vacation

2010-07-16T16:38:00.001-07:00

While I'm away, enjoy:

Magnetic Declination

2010-07-13T11:25:00.001-07:00

I was trying to explain to a friend of mine why my compass watch had to be calibrated to work correctly in Southern California. I realized as I was explaining that I had forgotten everything the Boy Scouts taught me (well, I technically never made it past Webelo).

Go forth onto Google!!! Found a couple of neat entries on True North, and Magnetic Declination, but the best part was finding this cool animated gif:

The image depicts the change in the Earth's Magnetic Field Declination from 1590 to 1990. It should be noted that at the time of WWII, there was a -10 line sweeping quickly through Europe... (Random correlation, or cause/effect? YOU decide!) ;-P

Oh wait, there was something else that's almost cooler than that image above. True North Snacks!! Mmmmmmm, snacks!

Best. Game. Ever.

2010-06-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to say it, but this is the best game I've ever played. Ever! I swear! Make sure you have some extra time on your hands, because this game is... addictive...

Damn, I still can't get over this game. Play it! Now!

Brave Sir Robin

2009-12-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

(From Monty Python's Holy Grail)

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

He was not in the least bit scared
To be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out,
And his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin.

His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
And his liver removed
And his bowls unplugged
And his nostrils raped
And his bottom burnt off
And his pen--

"That's... that's enough music for now lads,
*** there's dirty work afoot*** ???."

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
("No!")
Bravely ran away away.
("I didn't!")
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
("no!")
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
("I didn't!")
And gallantly he chickened out.

****Bravely**** taking ("I never did!") to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
("all lies!")
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!
("I never!")

Meat Suit

2009-11-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

"Now to go find some seasonings and a nice warm barbecue..."

It just doesn't get any better than that. Mmmm, MEAT suit. That's the perfect thing to wear to the mall during the busy holiday shopping season. Bring forth the MEAT!!!!

Update 11/21/09 - Okay, I guess there's more meat-wear out there, like tie-fillets and bacon shoes:

MEAT wear

mmmmMMMMMMEEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!!

My Brother's New Valves

2009-09-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Update 9/18/2009 - My brother's surgery went well. He's off the heart/lung machine and his heart is beating on its own, and he's breathing on his own now too. I finally got to see him this morning, and all things considered, he's looking great! He's a little drugged up right now, but he seemed to recognize me, and even joked around a little bit. The doctors were a little concerned about some bleeding, but that seems to have lessened enough that it doesn't look like he needs to go back into surgery. With all that we've heard thus far, everything is apparently looking good.

--------------------

Last month, I heard some frustrating news: my youngest brother is having to go into have open heart surgery, to replace a couple of leaky valves. This is the second such operation he's had, and the third time he's had his chest opened. It just doesn't seem fair! At least he seems to be taking it well, and is determined to get through this. His surgery is in a couple of weeks, and I'll be flying there to visit him while he recovers.

This is essentially what he's having done:

The aorta will be cut away, and replaced with one of these:

Note that the aorta isn't simply a tube, but rather a tube with a valve on one end, and a couple of coronary artery attachments. I can't imagine how they swap this tube in, and get everything hooked up, but I guess this type of surgery has been around for a long time.

While they are in there, they'll also be replacing his mitral valve with one of these:

He actually already has one of these mitral valves from 6-7 years ago, but they are going to replace it, because it is leaking. Dang. Hopefully this is the last one of those he has to replace! In case you don't know where the mitral valve is in the heart, here it is in relation to everything else:

Anyway, I'm hoping he gets through this, and has a speedy recovery, so he can get back to "normal" life.

WPF Screensaver Template

2009-06-17T15:34:00.001-07:00

I was searching for a way to add a line over the top of my toggle button in WPF (Windows Presentation Foundation), and came across this nugget. Apparently you can download the provided VS2008 template, and create a WPF based screensaver! With all the cool things built into WPF/Silverlight, I imagine this could be very useful. I'm thinking something with lots of Mountain Dew cans, and maybe my mug floating around the screen...

I haven't tried the template yet, but I definitely downloaded the screensaver example given there. Oooooooo purple. Actually, if you look at it, it's a crappy screensaver: constantly bright in the middle, dark on the edges, but it is cool. I've heard that monitors don't really need screensavers anymore, so maybe it doesn't matter.

Parking FAIL

2009-05-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, while I was on the phone with my boss, and rapidly writing new software, there was a crashing sound from somewhere outside. Shortly afterwards, my oldest daughter came running into the house, and said there was a car in our front lawn. Indeed there was:

We all go outside to see what is going on. There's already a bunch of neighbors running towards the car from all different directions, and in the car is a dazed looking woman. At first I thought she was unconscious, but I think was just in shock. She then gets out her cell phone (or was it out the whole time?), and starts talking to someone in an asian-sounding language (definitely not Japanese, but outside of that, I couldn't tell you).

I'm still trying to understand HOW this car ended up mangled in my lawn, when I realize this car is from the neighbors across the street. I look across the street and see this:

Okay, now I'm even more confused. It appears the garage door on their house is completely mangled (much like the car), so it's fairly obvious who hit who. Now I'm just wondering how the whole thing played out. Since the only real witness to the accident was in shock, and speaking a language I didn't understand, I'm left with simple speculation. Here's what I think happened:

The car was sitting in the driveway. This woman, and 3 passengers (we found this out later from some teenagers who were down the street when it happened - the passengers ditched the car after the crash) got into the car. The driver started the car, and put it into drive instead of reverse, and stepped on the gas. After slamming into the garage, she panicked, threw it in reverse, and put the pedal to the metal. The car shot out into the street, spun around once (again, the teenagers told us this part, but who knows), and landed in our yard, backwards.

The police arrived, along with an ambulance and a fire engine. The firemen cleared the car (no fire - no imminent explosion), the paramedics carted the woman off, and about an hour later a tow truck got the car, and everything returned to normal.

I never heard any more about the woman's condition, but she seemed to be okay except for a bloody nose, and a little headache. I did ask one of the neighbors from that house about her later that evening, but they didn't know anything yet either. I hope she's all right.

Now, here's what amazes me: neither of our cars, parked in the driveway DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET from their driveway, were hit. The car parked in front of our neighbors house, on the street, was not hit. The grass was not uprooted, and near as I can tell, the sprinklers were undamaged. Where normally there are kids in the street, there were none (except the teenagers way down the other end of the street), and I was not mowing the lawn, like I would have been had my boss not called!

Not sure who was responsible for all that luck, but thank you!!

XM Radio is In the Car!!

2009-05-07T09:38:00.000-07:00

Since I got my new car, which has an XM radio in it, I've been listening to a lot of cool new hard rock. One of my favorite stations is one called Octane. They play a lot of new hard rock, and some old stuff. I keep hearing new hard rock songs I've never heard before, but I just LOVE. Some of the bands that are new to me that I'm really digging:

Godsmack
Drowning Pool
Sevendust
Slipknot (Psychosocial!!!)
Disturbed (Perfect Insanity!!)

Just awesome. Of course, sometimes they get on a playlist of grunge crap, and I have to switch. Since XM and Sirius are now one company, I also get Hair Nation, which is a station that plays 80's hair band rock! Man, I had forgotten about:

Krokus
Firehouse
Dokken
Tesla
Skid Row
Twisted Sister
Cinderella
Mötley Crüe
Ratt
Poison
KiLLeR DWaRfS (WTF?)

Sweeeeet!! Then there's Liquid Metal which mostly plays Death Metal, but every so often, they switch around and play a specific genre, or even a specific band. The month of April, it was ALL Metallica ALL THE TIME!! That was friggen awesome, and I got to hear stuff I've never heard before. I wish they'd do a run with Megadeth, but that would just be too perfect.

There are other stations I'll listen to on occasion. When I'm in a certain mood, I'll switch over to the 40's station, and swing with the big bands. When the kids are in the car, I'm listening to The 80s station. I don't care what you say, that was my era of music, and there's just a lot of stuff I like there. Yay, Cyndi Lauper is on!!

Pool Bird

2009-04-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, our pool got warm enough to swim in, for the first time this year. Actually, it was just a bit cold at 67 degrees F, but after few hours of heating it was reasonable. As we were going through a short heat wave (in the 100s for a few days), it was the perfect time to go swimming, and get a not so healthy sunburn on our necks and backs! (oh yeah, sunscreen....)

Our pool, which was installed last year, is a new experience for us in many ways. Of course, there's the swimming, the diving, the breath holding contests, etc. This spring, however, we're discovering that it is also an attraction to the local wildlife.

A month or so ago, one of my daughter's found a ladybug nest on the side of one of the faux rocks. We got to see ladybugs in all stages of development, from cocoons, to yellow backed bugs, to red bugs, to red bugs with black spots. Very fun to watch!

However, we had no idea what was in store for us last weekend, as we all donned swimming gear, and took our first plunges into the water. Initially, it was just swimming pool mayhem, as we tried out all the things we learned last year, and discovered that there are some muscles that have been in disuse for far too long. I decided to turn on the waterfall, and sit under the grotto for awhile. I wasn't there for 30 seconds, before I turned around and saw what appeared to be a large paper wasp nest. The red arrow shows where I found it on our pool:

I immediately got the kids out of the pool, and asked my wife (who was not swimming at the time), to go fetch a bucket, a trowel, and some wasp poison. Looking closer at the nest, I realized that it wasn't a wasp nest at all, but a birds nest. Indeed, there didn't seem to be any wasps around, and the top appeared to be the only opening:

It appears that the architect of this nest used some of the blue fibers from an old trampoline cover we had last year (pre-pool), along with an assortment of twigs, and whatever the heck that stuff is that glues the nest to the rock.

It occurred to me that if this nest was in use, there was probably a very worried bird around somewhere, so I started scanning the yard. Sure enough, there was a single bird that was flying from the fence, to the rocks, to the other fence, and back again:

(yeah, I know - crappy video). My first thought on seeing the bird was, "What the heck kind of bird is that?" We went into the house, and dug out our copy of A Guide to Field Identification of BIRDS of North America, and started flipping through the pages. We realized fairly quickly that we had no clue where to start in the book, and needed a picture of this bird to help us make the identification:

We still weren't having much luck identifying the bird using the book, so that's when I decided to hit the internet. I immediately came across a website called WhatBird.com, which allows you to search for a bird by entering characteristics.

Each time you enter a new characteristic (bill length, bird size, wing shape, etc), the list of bird possibilities shortens. Once I got this list down to about 10 different birds, I had to step through each one until I found a picture and description that fit our mama bird. Apparently, this bird is called a Black Phoebe. The description even reads "Preferred habitats include shady areas near water, streams, ponds, and lakes..." which certainly fits our bird!

Since last weekend, we've managed to put a mirror up to the nest (without touching the nest, of course), and verify that there are three little eggs in there. Yesterday (Saturday), I'm fairly certain that I heard OTHER bird voices coming from the nest, and mama bird has been EXTREMELY busy tending the nest. I wonder how long until the baby birds come out? I hope they don't fall in the pool!

At least it wasn't a Coin Bird!!

Update 4/28/2009: Found this while trying to figure out how long until the birds are hatched. Looks like it might only be a week or two before the babies take flight, and then the birds may lay another set of eggs! Cool!

Photoshopped Sound?

2009-01-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine turned me onto the http://audiocookbook.org, to look at what this guy has done in his sound processing experiments.

Using a product called Photosounder, he turns normal recorded sounds into bitmap images, and then tweaks them in Photoshop. He then re-loads the image in Photosounder, and saves them back as a digital sound file. The results are very interesting, to say the least! The picture shown here is a piano riff run through Photoshop's "Liquefy" filter. The photo is cool, and the sound is ... um ... liquidy?

Check out these links:

Original blog entry

Other examples of photoshopped sounds

The blog itself is a wealth of cool articles, especially for those of you that have ever played with a real synthesizer (oh, and for those of you that actually own your own music studios - you know who you are!) Most articles are equipped with an mp3 link that plays the sound being discussed, so its a very sensory experience I think you will enjoy.

Windows 7 Beta

2009-01-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap, Windows 7 is coming out? I'm still using WinXP, does that mean I'll never have to use Vista? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Honestly, as much as I've heard about Vista, I'd rather not ever use it, so it's definitely fine by me, assuming Windows 7 is an improvement. Still, I'll probably hold out with Windows XP as long as I possibly can. The day the games I play "require" a new operating system, is the day I'll switch, and not a day before.

The thing is, I love Windows XP. It was the first time I switched to a new operating system, and found everything working, and happy. I can find stuff where it's *supposed* to be, and it's even pretty quick doing stuff. The only time it's ever crashed on me is when I've done something crazy, and probably deserved some pain. Heck, it's even treated me better than Mac-OSX did when it first came out. Anyone who will tell you that Mac's don't crash, is full of it.

Okay, so I guess I'd better see what Windows 7 (what, no clever catch-phrase?) is all about. Click the link above if you want to join me, and I'll meet you there.

Yews the Fours, Lewk!

2009-01-08T12:21:00.001-08:00

Wow, if this really works, that could satisfy one of my "Bucket List" items. Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I spent as a kid trying to move objects with my mind. I always felt like it should be possible, and yet was never successful. I also spent a lot of time with those ESP cards trying to read circles and wavy lines from the mind of my next door neighbor.

This toy apparently uses EEG signals from your brain to modify the airflow beneath a ping pong ball in a tube. If you get it just right, the ball moves up. If you get it wrong, a high voltage surge of electricity punishes you, and you go unconscious. At least I think that happens.

Anyway, the boy in the picture seems to think that his brainwaves shoot out his hand, which is pretty funny. That said, I probably would also use hand gestures to give the appearance of "The Force", because that's just too cool! Look out Obi-Wan and Yoda, here I come!

Green Anaconda

2008-12-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love it when a song get's stuck in your head?

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Try this one:

Green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda HAPPY green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda NEW green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda YEAR green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda green anaconda

Splotchy Contribution

2008-12-18T12:06:00.000-08:00

From Splotchy:

Here are the rules:
Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

=============

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

Rivulets of sweat began cascading down my face and I hurriedly wiped one from my brow before its salty bitterness could burn my precious, precious electric eye. No, the fright couldn't simply be attributed to my allergy to cardboard that always resulted in patches of bloody pustules and mottled skin akin to a poorly applied KISS® -- see, Gene? Put your lawyers away -- makeup job nor the fact that a fair number of the riders were curiously dressed like a toupee-less, yet masterfully make-upped Chaim Witz nor the fact that motionless tentacles were protruding from a number of randomly punched holes in the cardboard box that bore the hideous label Contents, frozen spawn of Old One, 72 oz. nor the realization that I had forgotten my glasses and couldn't see not whom, but what, was slowly shambling down the aisle towards me, its apparently glistening appendages slopping on the possibly filthy floor of this potential deathtrap of a bus recklessly driven by an attractively miniskirted, yet maniacal, maniac, her lapel bearing a button barely visible underneath a swath of jet-black hair and emblazoned with I worship Dagon, ask me how!, which I never did by the way.

No, the fright couldn't simply be attributed to any of those mundane things. My wind wandered, dreaming up all sorts of misadventure where I stared death in the face and he stared back and then we had a series of staring contests of which I think I won nearly 40% of them, an excellent number against an entity bearing a head-lopping scythe, don't you think?

I stared out the window, and the undulating, slowly shifting, tree-saturated landscape stared back. I won that contest but quickly remembered the old saw about looking into the abyss and having it stick its tongue out. I pulled my electric eye back into the bus and stared ahead instead.

Next, a cavalcade of nervous fumbling and rummaging through my pockets to make sure I had an extra nine volt battery. I did -- the apparently glistening appendages slopping ever closer amidst a cacophony of bizarre, intermittent noise -- so I knew I wouldn't have to worry about my electric eye running out of juice until I got back.

Which, of course, turned out to be the case, for how else could you be reading this erratic, poorly-written account of horror, unless you stumbled upon the abandoned wreckage of the bus and were rifling through my strangely mutilated corpse severely underdressed for the freezing weather and found this sheet of crumpled and charred paper riddled with poor penmanship along with my wallet that contained a drivers license, library card, work ID, three singles and a bus ticket!

But you didn't because I'm not dead, for I just handed the bus ticket to the shambling beast which indeed was slimy for it -- and it, despite its general human visage, was the most accurate description I could muster -- was close enough that I didn't need my glasses.

"Last stoop fer yew vis'turs."

Ahead in the distance, beyond the cardboard box's melting water -- at least, I assumed it was water, and you know what they say when you assume: Nyarlathotep tears you a new one, chump -- pooling at my feet, the creepy troupe of riders and the inhuman coughing of it, bathed by the light of the red moon, I saw the low, yet eerily distinct skyline of Arkham. (Randal)

Arkum hums with a high electric whine, a noise that is like tinnitus to the nth. The man with the monocle who was so strangely dressed coughed on me as the bus lurched to a stop. I hope it wasn't the virus. Now I hunch my shoulders against the freezing wind that hugs the frozen ground. I have two cloptomiters to go before I'm home and it's dark but for the purple neon gloom, looking like a distant nuclear disaster but is merely low light bouncing off the distant metropolis along with the nearly unbearable high whine. And then the wind blows it back upon itself and for a few moments of relief I almost hear silence. I can barely see the ground beneath my feet.

What was I thinking when I dressed for the day? My feet are freezing. Thank the dog for the electric eye. I can see the faintly pink glow of my signature footprint along this well trod strip of stone. But it seems eerily empty for now. Odd. This time of night is usually humming with voices coming out of the dark. All I hear is the high city hum and the wind. Several layers of skirts fly up from a gust of wind and I almost topple backward. These tall rubber boots on their platforms are wonderful in a crowd, extend the stride, and strengthen the buttocks, lifting its heft of weight into the air like a pillow. But skirts?

I hear the dog once and know I will turn left half way up the lane to my bunker. His voice always rings out once when I reach this spot and even without the eye I turn left, arm raised, palm flattened upward to make contact with the wire of the compound. I trail my gloved fingers along the fence until I feel the gate. Here I must remove my glove and place my naked palm against the freezing surface of the palm ID pad. And it slides open almost silently. I enter and hear it slide shut behind me. It locks with a hollow sound that makes me shudder with pleasure. Now small photocell lights flank the path like little pale full moons.
I have a single bunker. I am gifted in certain arts. I can talk to the mad and read their minds. I can smell danger. And I am old. No small accomplishment in these times. So the dog, as he calls himself, and I live together in a cube of concrete with a pyramid roof alone, in silence, but for the sound of my own voice softly talking to myself and his rare great bark or low growl.

He doesn't rise when I come in. But I hear him panting softly in his dark corner. The room is only warmed with his body heat. All the fuel was burned long ago. But food will be brought for both of us. He could so warm me better if we slept together but he will not. So I wear all my clothes trying to keep from shivering. I would never ask to sleep in his bed but have invited him into mine. Often. No luck.

And now before my fingers stiffen in the cold I must answer the questions sent to me by the mad. Only the mad understand the mad, but not all the mad have my gift to hear their inner voices. We are all somewhat gifted. Some of us have visions, hear voices, but I can only listen to the inner voice, the one that never says aloud what it most fears.(Utah Savage)

The irony of hating that Will Smith movie where he was the only pure human he knew of makes me laugh until I cry only once a day usually, but this makes the second time today.

I'd like to be able to distract myself from this existence as I sometimes can with some maudlin or quirky tale that was uploaded to this confounded eye, but for the time being I just place it on its charger, wondering yet again what renewable substance has been able to sustain the charger's life these 25 years. If I knew that, would I be freezing here like this?

I wish someone, anyone, could or would answer that question. I wish Lilith were here to ponder it with me.

Yes, there are the halflings, but they really are not very good company. The electronic portions of them seem to override most of their humanness. But, compared to those the blogoscopic entities have fully infiltrated, they are a veritable schmorgesborg of spontaneity. I am not sure if I should admit that my insane mother was right and that my "specialness" would "save" me in the end, but those like me are few and far between these days.

What was once a blessing, my telepathic tendencies, has become such a curse that I would no doubt kill myself were it not for Lilith. My only hope is to find her. (Freida Bee)

My human part slept while my body electric recharged its high capacity 9 volt battery and spare. Visions and algorithms of chaos and order merged into organic patterns that ultimately morphed into circuit boards with dendritic hierarchies of contacts and junctions. The damn things recurred every night in increasingly complex ways. Start with a fern and a laptop and merge them at ever deeper levels to the nth degree, then throw in the spikes of fear and uncertainty that only occur in dreams and that is close to what I experienced.

My circuits were designed explicitly to increase my ability to absorb the impossible, but they can only do so much. When a person is strolling along on that perfect day only to become a witness to Fishmen devouring the sanity of best friends and professors; well, it is just too much for even electronics to bear. A cleft formed between my organic and electronic parts.

I rambled through Arkham analyzing the meaningless life forms carrying on what they believed were normal lives. What dupes! My electric eye could see the sub-nanometer band, viewing parasites feeding on the souls of so many, sapping them of confidence and ambition. I tried to feel some compassion, but the firewall stopped me and I felt nothing.

When I finally found Lilith, she was horrified at the abomination I had become. I was crestfallen and it seemed as though I choked on a thousand copper wires trying to maintain a semblance of humanity. Humanity was losing and I couldn't stop it. I knew then that she would become bait in my quest to vanquish the Old Ones. (Don Snabulus)

I had to approach the matter delicately. Mere lack of humanity would be no excuse as far as Lilith was concerned; she was so particular about such things. When she moved she always did so with purpose. Every step, every breath, every twitch in the nether regions, every time her arm flexed in that characteristic way it always did whenever she scratched her left eyebrow (which always annoyed the spit out of me), it was all part of her routine. As far as I knew she was still as much in the flesh as when she was born, but there were often times when she seemed more mechanical than I. Her wires were of a different sort from mine; they were woven from ego rather than alloy.

I remember clearly how I struggled to find the words. Unfortunately, when the implants had gone in, my imagination had gone out. Improvisational eloquence used to be second nature to me, but like a thesaurus that had accidentally gone through the wash, I was left only with so many incoherent smudges in my mind. I stammered and quickly shoved the stammer into yet another box of meaningless small talk. But she was too sharp for that.

"Huh!" she said. Strange. It wasn't a "Huh?" of curiosity; rather, it was a "Huh!" of idiotic amusement.

"Huh huh!"

I asked her what was wrong, and I got only more "huh"s.

No, that was wrong. I remembered that day clearly. She hadn't said or done any of that. The memory was all wrong. My recollection of that day had somehow become corrupted. Had they found me out? Were they using some nameless telepathic conduit into my soul to twist my memories into a blasphemous abomination?

"Huh huh!"

No, wait. It was even more wrong, for I knew I was no longer thinking of that day. So the "huh"s weren't coming from my memory at all, then. They were in the Here and Now! I immediately suspected the dog, but when I glanced over at him he was (unfortunately) sleeping peacefully. Where, then? Where was it coming from?

"Huh huh huh!"

Then it came. That sudden, sharp impact. It sent a jolt through my senses far greater than any psychic flatulence Yog Sothoth had ever lobbed at me. It was total; it permeated me, became my reality, shifted my reality...

And then I woke up. And I saw HIM. There he was, that sorry, bloated, empty-headed, buzz-cut argument against evolution. He was standing there in front me, retracting the hand he had just used to pop me on the head. In his other hand he held...NO!!!

My precious, newly-bought book!!! My beloved tome from the alien gods!!!! It was in the flabby paw of that vile creature!!!!!

"Huh huh huh!" he farted from his mouth. "What's this, you little fag?" He looked at the book with a look that spoke of pure vacuum. "'The Best of H.P. Lovecraft'? Who the f*** is that?"

"Give that back, Bob!" I cried, dismayed at the wimpy sound of my own voice.
(Moody Minstrel)

Really, Bob wasn't his name, but it amused me to call him that. His name, if uttered correctly (virtuously impossible by other than just a few halfborgs) would drive even the strongest willed into utter madness. Even the most frivolous thought of his name in your mind would strike a pain so profound, that you would surly be struck dumb and blind.

I saw Bob turn the book over in his hands several times, as if handling a smelly fish, before setting it down again carefully on the table by the door. As Bob turned his gaze to me, I felt a new chill run down my legs. "WHO THE F*** IS THAT!!!!", he screamed at me, spittle spraying my face like a sloppy afternoon rain. "HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!!!!!"

At that very moment, it dawned on me the reason I had even left the bunker, the sole purpose of my trip on the bus, endangering my self... no! my soul! to the fury of the Old Ones. Somehow Bob's touch had disoriented me, and sent my thoughts reeling towards panic, fear, and lust?!

The WORD. Not so much a word in the literary sense, but a spoken sound accompanied by a rapid series of pictures in the mind. With practice, it can be used as a terrible weapon, but even in its most primitive state, can be used as a shield against evil. For some, it would be nigh-unlearnable, but for one with an electric eye and a 40 Dodecabyte memory, it is possible. Oh no! The eye!

I flung myself from the ice covered chair that was my bed, and rolled across the floor towards the charger. I knew I was likely to fail, Bob being so close, and having seen the book, but I had to try. For the dog at least! Yes, I was doing this for the dog, for though I could endure an enternity of torment, I could not bear to see the dog come to harm.

Bob continued to scream incoherently for seconds at the empty chair, before his thousand eyes were able to comprehend my futile motion. As he realized my attempt of escape, he found such great amusement that he started to (oh the horror!) laugh! If I had not already been mad, the sound of it might have delivered me there faster than microwave popcorn. Instead, it was merely a reminder of how important my task was, and gave me the strength to proceed.

I thrust my good hand at the charger, and grabbed at the eye, but it was slippery with cold, and shot up into the air!! Noooo!! I fell to the ground, and a shadow flitted past my vision towards the airborne eye, grabbing it in a spitty mouth. All hope was surely lost, and I felt sorry for the dog and the pain that was coming.

But the light changed, and for just a moment, I thought I saw an angel. Indeed it was an angel, as the boot sequence for the eye includes a splash screen of an Angel representing the company by which it was designed. I looked quickly around to see that the dog has somehow recovered and installed the eye in my socket, and was sacrificing life, limb and mind to keep Bob from proceeding. I did not hesitate to launch the sequence of pictures, and speak the WORD.
(DewKid)

A Day in the Life of a Turret

2008-11-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, so there's this truly awesome game called Portal. The game is very different from your average shooter, and the script writing is VERY WELL DONE. I guarantee this game will make you laugh more than once, and besides that, it's damn fun. If you have a PC that can handle Half-Life 2, GET THE ORANGE BOX!

Anyway, if you've played the game, then you have to watch this. It's pretty funny if you understand all the inside jokes. I imagine its not quite as funny without having played the game:

John Williams is the Man!

2008-11-11T17:02:00.001-08:00

I don't think there is much to say, except watch, listen, and enjoy:

Freaky Freakies!

2008-10-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

Remember THIS cereal?

There's even a website! I was reading about how a friend of mine can draw the origins of a SciFi RPG he created, all the way back to the Freakies, and I thought I'd search around to see what was on the internet.

Man I sort of remember them, but this video just creeps me out. I may even have collected these things, but if I did, they are long gone now. Probably died in the same bon-fire that my younger brothers used to destroy all the Star Wars figures we had.

Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live

2008-10-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

(Whoa - two posts in one day!)

My understanding is this is a couple year old skit from Saturday Night Live, but I hadn't seen it until just this week. I was laughing pretty hard when I saw this, and it actually got funnier the next few times I watched it. The subject matter is adult, but the bad words are bleeped, and there's nothing explicitly shown (it was on network TV after all). Still, if you are at work, you might want to wait until you get home to check it out:

ps - According to my wife, Justin Timberlake is the blond guy. I wasn't hip enough to even know he was famous.

Moving an Offscreen Window in XP

2008-10-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I setup a second monitor on my work computer. It's sweet: I can drag windows off my main monitor, and over to my second monitor. This is especially useful when I'm firing off a process that I want to keep an eye on, but I want to keep working on my code. Much better than switching back and forth between my IDE and the process window, and a lot less distracting.

Because I work from home at least one day a week, it wasn't long before I logged into my work computer from home, and discovered that the windows were still lost on the second monitor! Since I only have one monitor at home, I have no way to get to those windows.

Okay, so I tried a couple of things: the most obvious solution is to close the application, and restart. Unfortunately, for like 99% of the applications out there, it remembers it's last window placement location, and returns to that location on next launch. I tried using ALT-TAB, but that just changes focus to the window without moving it.

Doing a Google search, there's actually a lot of helpful advice out there. For the most part the solution is this:

Right-click the window's taskbar button

Select Move

Tap an arrow key

Move the mouse

Well, that's great advice as long as the window you are trying to move HAS a taskbar button, AND the right-click menu has an ENABLED move option. If either of these two things is missing, this advice is useless!!

Back to Google, and some more fine tuning of my query, and some trial and error, I found a solution that worked for me in every case I've tried it:

Use ALT+TAB to find the window you want to move

Press ALT+SPACEBAR

Press the 'M' key

Tap an arrow key

Move the mouse

Whew! That was harder than it should have been! Hope this helps you!

ps - I know somebody will point out the "Tile Windows xxxx" options as a possible solution. Despite thrashing all my windows at once, it actually only ends up tiling windows that have task bar buttons. If you have a window that doesn't have a task bar button (like CCTray) the only solution I'm aware of to recover the window, is the one I give here.

Judgment Day is Coming

2008-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I came across a weird news story about a "life-like" robot that was unveiled recently. The link includes a video of this thing in action... sort of. (Personally, I think the thing moves and sounds like crap, so I guess they still have a lot of work to do). Anyway, there's a quote in the article:

And robotics company Cyberdyne Inc are set to start making it on a mass scale on Friday.

Cyberdyne? Interesting - I wonder if that's the SAME Cyberdyne from the second Terminator movie, Judgment Day? If you look at the actual Cyberdyne Inc. website, it does appear that they are building cyborg-like devices.

Will the robots rise up against the humans in the future? Is Judgment Day upon us? Should we be concerned??!?!?

(ps - I'm not REALLY concerned. Mostly I feel bad for the Japanese girl that was the model for the robot, because either she's got to be "weirded-out" by the robotic clone, or upset that her body is going to be mass manufactured. Man, her teen years are going to suck.)

Praying Mantis

2008-10-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

This morning, I went outside to retrieve our empty garbage cans, and found this sitting on the handle:

To give you an idea of scale, his body from head to tail is about 1.5 inches long. He was hanging out and catching bugs that were buzzing around the empty can. I never saw him catch anything, but when I went out later to show the kids, he had some kind of gnat in his "pincher arm", which he discarded while we watched.

I remember the first time I saw one of these around here. My reaction was: "we have these here?" They come in two different color varieties that I've seen. Green and brown. It's possible the color is a difference in gender, or maybe even seasonal.

When I was young, I had this book about bugs. In it was a section on the Praying Mantis, and I loved reading about them. The thing I remember most, was a drawing of a little boy in Mexico catching a praying mantis, and tying a string around its neck like a leash to keep it in his room. Now that I've seen one, I'm thinking that either the picture is an exaggeration, or the Praying Mantis' get bigger the further south you go.

These guys are a rare treat that we see every month or so during the summer. It's fun to see how they move. I especially like their little head. You can wiggle your fingers on different sides of him, and the head spins around instantly to look. I guess they got to have that kind of speed to catch the little gnats that they do!

Anyway, I'm glad I finally got a picture of one. Usually when I see them, I'm at someone else's house, or they are on the outside of an upstairs window screen where you can't get a good picture. This guy stayed put for 30 minutes, so I had time to take pictures, and show them to each of the kids as they got ready for school.

Neat!

Letxa.com

2008-09-29T14:24:00.001-07:00

I added a new link to my "Blogs I Dig" links section here. I normally avoid political commentary on this blog, but the author of Letxa.com stands about as close to my own positions, I thought it worth mentioning.

If I Was A Duck

2008-09-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know the origin of this poem, but my stepmother put it on her webpage to accompany a picture of me in the water, and I thought it was pretty damned funny:

If I Was A Duck

If water was Mountain Dew and I was a duck
I'd swim to the bottom and drink my way up
but water ain't Dew and I ain't no duck
I just gotta float
Now Don't that Suck?

I dunno - maybe she wrote it! I'll have to ask her.

Happy Talk Like a Pirate's Day!

2008-09-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yarr, ye scaliwags!! Leave ye yer cot, and git down ta swabbin the deck, ye no good scurvy dogs!! Yo ho, and shiver me timbers, it be Talk Like a Pirate's Day once again!

Also, be sure to set "Pirate" as your preferred lingo in Google, especially if ye be a gentleman or lady 'o fortune! Tis right civil of them to add that option!

Jony is Online!

2008-08-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

When my brothers and I grew up, we spent many hours playing with our stuffed animals. We gave each of them names and unique personalities. One of the longest lasting personalities among our animals, is an old "Smokey the Bear" stuffed toy named Jony.

Jony, the son of Smokey the Bear, was an inventor, entrepreneur, wizard, and all around wise guy. He had the ability to be anywhere, anytime, and always has plenty of cash on hand. A lot of things happened to this bear during our lifetime. His body got so worn, that my mom decided to make him some new clothes: new blue jeans, and a silky red shirt. At one point, he "died" and my brothers buried him in a shoe box in the back yard. A week later, they decided that he hadn't really died, and dug him back up. When my youngest brother got married (it was his bear), my wife and I made him a little tuxedo, so he could attend the wedding.

Anyway, we still talk about Jony, and he still has a place in my brother's home. Recently, Jony started a MySpace page, complete with pictures of Jony in all sorts of situations. If you don't have a MySpace account, you can't view them, but here are a couple of examples:

(PS - I just checked, and it does appear you can view the pictures without an account now... weird)

Jony has even appeared on YouTube, recently. If you haven't seen the original (not-original?) Jeff Peckman alien video, see it here:

Wait, what was that? An alien? A puppet? Look again with the colors enhanced:

Hey, it's just our lovable old Jony! Hey Jony!

3rd Annual Portland Pirate Festival

2008-08-26T13:13:00.000-07:00

With Talk-Like-A-Pirate-Day just around the corner, I decided to visit the official website, and see what's up. After some amount of surfing (yarr, sailin?), I found that Portland, Oregon (my home town) is having their 3rd Annual Pirate Festival:

Dang, I wish I still lived close enough to go, because you know I'd be all piratey and stuff! Yarr, and shiver-me-timbers! Maybe one of me mates will attend, and keep their shifty eyes peeled for me. Avast!

Then again, maybe I'll just order a commemorative T-Shirt. Whoa, maroon is a fairly... unseemly color for a pirate, isn't it? Wouldn't be good to be a marooned Pirate wearing a maroon commemorative T-shirt! I mean, look at the guy modeling the T-shirt: he's about the furthest from being a pirate as I've ever seen! In fact, he's so far from being a pirate, he's actually an Opposite Pirate!!

Guess I wont be getting the shirt either. (ye scurvy bilge rats!)

Garfield Minus Garfield

2008-08-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

What happens when you take a Garfield comic, and strip away the main character? You get the GarfieldMinusGarfield.net online comic:

The mission of the comic?

Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.

Some of these are actually quite hilarious, and strangely sad. What does Jim Davis think about it?

Garfield creator Jim Davis was intrigued by—and pleased with—the concept. “I think it’s an inspired thing to do,” Davis said. “I want to thank Dan for enabling me to see another side of Garfield. Some of the strips he chose were slappers: ‘Oh, I could have left that out.’ It would have been funnier.”

In any case, I'm keeping this one in my bookmarks.

Eight Eight Eight

2008-08-08T10:28:00.000-07:00

Eight. My favorite number since my neighbor told me his was Seven. I didn't want to copy him, so I decided that Eight would be my favorite. After all, it's snowman shaped, and I like the snow. It has no sharp edges, matches the number of bits in a byte, is 2^3 (both prime numbers), and is the total number of fingers most people have on their hands (not counting thumbs, of course). The can of Mt. Dew I'm drinking right now has 12 oz, but it's my second can, so I've nearly finished 24 oz, which is 8 * 3.

Today is August 8, 2008, which can be correctly described as "eight eight eight", which means today should be my most favorite day ever. Hmmm, nothing special about today, except maybe that the Beijing Olympics is starting. Google has a neat graphic to commemorate this fact:

I'm working from home, which is always nice (I eat lunch with my family, instead of in my never-the-right-temperature office). I fixed two software bugs already this morning, and I'm on the verge of fixing another. Isis stock price is up 8% (well, 8.25% to be exact), and that would be nice if I had shares to sell. Still, it means the company is doing well, and that's good for job security.

I hear a lot of people are trying to have their babies or get married on 8/8/8. There are those that are even shooting for 8am or 8pm, as the recorded time for the event, so that they can be 8/8/8 @ 8.

For me, 8 is still just my favorite number, and no, my ATM PIN is NOT 8888.

Futility

2008-07-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

(Click the pic for full size view)

Our Pool

2008-07-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

In June, we had this sudden urge to have a pool installed in our backyard. It's something we've wanted to do for years, but until recently, it's only been a dream. I'm not sure what changed, but we decided to take the plunge (pun intended) and do this thing!

After hearing a few quotes, we decided to go with Indian Summer Pools. The owner/salesman/CEO was very knowledgeable, and appeared to have a VERY good rapport with his previous customers. He lives in the area, and has connections with several friends of ours. We knew that he was the best choice, and boy were we right!

Here's what our backyard looked like BEFORE (click on the picture for a bigger version):

Actually, I took this picture AFTER the grass had been removed, but before anything else had been done. Notice the tree coverage - we have a couple of Eucalyptus trees growing there. What a pain! Every time there's any kind of wind, branches go flying, and that's no little thing! These branches are DENSE and HEAVY! I was afraid it might hurt somebody someday, so I asked that both trees be removed before the pool was put in.

Anyway, 5 weeks after the picture above was taken, this is what it looks like now:

Can you see the difference? I know it's sleight, but it's there, especially in regards to that big wet thing in the middle! ;-) Seriously though, we jumped in the pool for the first time on Friday (July 11, 2008), and we've been swimming ever since. That rock like thing in the center of the picture is actually a grotto/waterfall, and a great place to launch yourself for a cannonball!

The pool itself covers 460 sq ft (+52 sq ft for the spa), and goes down to 7 feet deep. I think I heard that it holds 22000 gallons of water. Want to see more? I photo documented the whole process, from excavation to finished product here if you are interested. Now if you don't mind, it's like a hundred degrees outside, and I'm going to take a dip!

Global Disease Alert Map

2008-07-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a google map EVERYONE can enjoy:

http://www.healthmap.org/en

Want to know where the latest Cholera outbreak is? Wondering which kids really have the Measles? Maybe you just suspect the guy across the street as having Anthrax. Now you can check it all out in one easy to use interface. Fun for the whole family!

Bill grogan's goat

2008-07-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

I was humming this song from summer camp today, and it made me want to see if I could find the lyrics. Well, I did, and now I'm singing it proudly at the top of my lungs in my office:

Bill Grogan's goat
Was feelin' fine
Ate three red shirts
Right off the line

Bill took a stick
Gave him a whack
And tied him to
The railroad track

The whistle blew
The train drew nigh
Bill Grogan's goat
Was doomed to die

He gave three groans
Of awful pain
Coughed up the shirts
And flagged the train

That's all there is
This story's done
I hope you had
A lot of fun

Julie

2008-06-21T15:23:00.001-07:00

I don't know who Julie is, but this video probably doesn't look anything like her:

All I know is, this is the weirdest thing I've seen on You-Tube for a long time. For some reason, it makes me laugh more and more every time I see it, just because it is so WRONG!!!

(oh, don't ask me why the author of this perverted video tweak chose to use a dog barking as the soundtrack, but it definitely adds to the creepiness!)

WARNING: I would strongly recommend AGAINST watching the "suggested" videos that follow the video above. They show a bunch of deformed people and babies in an unfriendly light. I almost didn't post this video for that reason alone, but since the "Julie" video is not real, figured I'd be okay as long as I posted a special warning. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

ISAD

2008-05-02T09:09:00.001-07:00

Arrr!! Today be International Scurvey Awareness Day!! So eat a lime already!!

- Cap'n Dewbeard

Pleasing Government Commerce

2008-04-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

I heard about this on the radio, and thought it was pretty funny. Apparently the Office of Government Commerce in England ordered the new logo to:

...signify a bold commitment to the body’s aim of improving value for money by driving up standards and capability in procurement.

For £14,000, here's what they got:

... but if you turn it sideways ...

... you get a whole 'nother meaning! I doubt they'll be erecting any signs with the new logo anytime soon. ;-)

German Engineering vs Terrorists

2008-04-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is worth sharing:

Dude, sucks for him!

Silverlight Einsteinchen

2008-04-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

You'll have to install Microsoft's "Silverlight" to see it, but that only takes a second. This website (click the title above) has a bunch of little videos starring a very strange looking character. Einsteinchen demonstrates the theory of relativity in a way that most people can understand. There are 12 videos in all, and they are quite enjoyable.

Now that I've watched them all, I think I'm ready to build my own time machine!

The Time Machine Works!!

2008-04-08T15:40:00.000-07:00

I've gone back in time, and am writing this blog entry TWO DAYS BEFORE my "Silverlight Einsteinchen" entry above. Sweeet!!! Now I'm off to buy a lottery ticket. He he he.

Racist Swim Team?

2008-03-29T11:46:00.001-07:00

My oldest daughter had her first home swim meet yesterday, and it was a blast. Lots of different races, and lots of kids competing. I got recruited as an official timer for the second half of the meet, which I guess is a normal thing for parents at these things.

Anyway, they are supposed to post the results on their website at some point, so we can see how they did. I know that she did good in the freestyle, but it was hard to know how she compared to the other girls that raced in the other heats. I went to the website, and though the results aren't yet posted at the time of this writing, I noticed an interesting bit of text on their home page:

As a reminder, the Home Meets are intended for WHITE swimmers only.

Sheesh! Harsh enough! I swear I saw kids of all races at the meet!! I'll be sure to make sure THAT doesn't happen at the next one. "Hey, THAT kid isn't WHITE!!! Get her out of the pool!!!"

Um, wait. I think they mean something else. Let's see what the whole paragraph says:

Thank You to all the upper level TMEC swimmers that come to the Home Meet to help out and cheer on your fellow swimmers trying to acheive RED times!!

As a reminder, the Home Meets are intended for WHITE swimmers only. Once a swimmer has achieved a RED time in any event they may not swim in that event at the Home Meets unless they have aged up and need to achieve a RED time in the new age group.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I see. It's a racing thing, not a race thing. Huh??!?!?!

Greeebs.

Dew Monkey!!

2008-03-19T18:13:00.001-07:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Wii Head Tracking

2008-03-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

This is VERY cool. I have a Nintendo Wii, but I would never have imagined I could do what this guy did with his:

If I didn't have like a million other hobbies I'm firing up right now, I'd consider trying this out myself!

Click on the title to go to Johnny Lee's Wii Remote webpage to see other cool things.

R.I.P. Gary Gygax

2008-03-04T14:30:00.000-08:00

I just learned that Gary Gygax lost his last few hit points this morning. For those of you that don't know, Gary Gygax was one of the co-creators of Dungeons & Dragons, and was one of the biggest influences in my young life. I still remember breaking open my "Basic D&D" box, cutting out the die chits, and playing a D&D module (B1?) with my next door neighbor. I never had so much fun in my life, and I still look back at those days with much fondness.

Thank you Gary Gygax, and may you find a new treasure type in the next existence!

Update: No, a 70th level cleric did not resurrect Gary Gygax, but Order of the Stick did do a nice tribute to the dragon lord:

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0536.html

Check it out!

AMD Dual Core Optimizer

2008-02-22T11:46:00.000-08:00

Ever since I bought my AMD Athlon 64 X2 Dual Core, I've regretted it. Don't get me wrong: I love AMD chips, and have never had a problem before this one. Turns out, that the AMD Dual Core just doesn't play nice with a LOT of things, and this just KILLS all kinds of applications, games, movies, etc.

The typical problem is this: you start an application, and it appears to run very very slowly, or jerky. You get impatient, and pull up the task manager, which takes FOREVER. You discover that your application is utilizing 100% CPU ON BOTH CORES!!! DAMN!!!

My most recent problems have occurred within a cool game called "The Movies", and in Microsoft's XNA Game Studio. After doing some searching, I came across something called an AMD Dual Core Optimizer. The heck is that? Apparently, it helps control the behavior of the chip, when software vendors decide to go around the windows API, and do direct calls (which apparently is the reason for the issue).

Well, I can tell you, I installed this puppy, and all is wonderful again! My XNA is working (mostly), and "The Movies" appears to be playing nice again. If you have an AMD Dual Core, I recommend taking a look at the link above. Be sure you know what chip you have before installing anything though: I can't be held responsible for anything that you might do wrong!! (whew, disclaimer out of the way)

Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo

2008-02-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

BPPV is the cool acronym you can use, but it still means dizzy dizzy dizzy.

About three nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and the room was spinning around me. Unusual, but not the first time its ever happened to me. A couple of years ago when I had a sinus infection, I was quite dizzy for several days, until I finally got smart, and got some antibiotics.

The odd thing this time around, is that I knew I wasn't congested. I decided to ignore it, and go back to sleep. The next morning, I got out of bed, and the room spun out of control. Before I knew what was happening, I was lying on my back in the middle of the bed, trying to focus on the fire detector on the ceiling. Round and round and round it went for a few seconds, and then everything settled down, and I was back in control.

I got up slowly, and though there was still a little dizziness, it went away quickly. The rest of the day I was fine, and had no further episodes. That is, until I went back to bed that evening. Once again the room spun out of control, and I'm left feeling disoriented and light-headed.

This has continued happening to me now for three days. Of course I'm worried, so I decide to make a fool out of myself, and head to the Urgent care clinic. I explain my condition to the doctor, and he surprises me by immediately recognizing it as a form of vertigo.

To test his theory he applies a technique that is called a Semont maneuver (see link above for details). Essentially, he has me sitting facing the wall, and then lies my head back, and then quickly turns my head to the right. That does it! I'm swimming in vertigo for a good 10 seconds before I land.

The doctor explains that this indicates the problem is in my right inner ear. To prove this, he repeats the procedure, but turns my head to the left. To my surprise, there is no dizziness at all. After allowing me to sit up, and suffer the dizziness again for a few seconds, he explains that I have a mild case of BPPV or Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo.

The cause? One common cause is the formation of small crystals of calcium carbonate in the inner ear (also known as "Ear Rocks" - dude, I have Ear Rocks?), and the motion of these particles mess up the normal sensation of balance. One of the most common things that leads to this is a head injury, but since I've not had any such injury, this is unlikely. It is also possible that a virus is infecting my inner ear, though this is less common.

The cure? Its very likely it could go away on its own. Still, the primary treatment for BPPV, is physical therapy. The article linked above describes the therapy (Semont and Epley maneuvers) and is probably what I'll have to undergo, once I have a chance to see my primary physician.

Of course, that's going to have to wait until I return from my trip to Washington DC to install software for clients. Wait until they find out I have Ear Rocks!! Dude!!

TV Tropes Wiki

2008-01-30T13:47:00.000-08:00

I came across this website quite by accident (click title above). It catalogs cliches present in our TV and Movie culture, and then gives sample representations. For example, a Squick is described as a "negative emotional response, more specifically a disturbed or disgusted one.". The movie Labyrinth contains a Squick, which the author describes as "a 15 year-old being romantically pursued ("let me rule you!") and watched over by an stretchy pants-wearing goblin king (David Bowie at 39)".

Take a look at some of these others, which define the plots of many movies, tv shows, and even entire series:

Here's something funny that happened when I first visited the wiki. I tried to go to the home page, and I got this message:

The database hates you right now. The entry might exist or it might not exist. We would clear this mystery up for you, if we could get to the database. We tried to look it up, but the database puked up an error.

I thought that was pretty darned funny.

Elf THIS!

2007-12-14T17:06:00.001-08:00

I was wandering through the mountains in my green tights, when suddenly did I come apon some Mountain Dew Elves! See what transpired by clicking on the title link above!

Reflections of a Soccer Mom

2007-12-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

When the hard drive on our main computer crashed, we realized that it would take many months, if not years, to realize what all we lost. One thing we learned right away, is that the collection of monthly letters that my wife wrote for our preschool coop newsletter were gone. Some inspirational, others informative, and all with her unique sense of humor. Gone.

Though we could probably dig through stacks of old newsletters, and perhaps find one or two, one thing we knew for sure: we didn't want to lose any more. Besides having a better backup strategy, I realized that maybe a blog could help. It would serve two purposes. It would give us a second place to capture the letters for all time, and give my wife a place to jot her thoughts, and tell her stories. She enjoys writing, and maybe this is just the excuse to do a lot more of it.

There is born the "Reflections of a Soccer Mom" blog. There are only two letters there now, but are worth the read if you have a few minutes. I do realize that I have definite bias towards her work, but I think she is a very talented writer. If I can just get her past the "geek-factor" involved with maintaining a blog, I think it just could work.

Green Towel

2007-11-15T15:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes at my work, employees will send e-mails out to the entire company, without realizing they are out of context. This one struck my funny bone:

I have a green towel at my desk...that is no longer needed...
Thank you.

Red Moon

2007-10-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

I went in to work today, and on my drive home, I noticed the nearly full moon as it appears behind a sky of smoke. The colors here are not altered, and this is pretty darned close to the way it looks tonight. I tried a longer exposure, but with the whole earth rotation thing going on, it just ended up like a blur.

I suppose a Red Moon poem would be appropriate here, but I just don't got it in me. I did find a poem online that sounded pretty cool, though its a bit too otherworldly for my taste.

If you have one to share, please do!

Smoke to the South

2007-10-24T08:16:00.001-07:00

The winds have died down, but now the smoke is descending on us. This is what we got to see when we got up this morning (looking southeast here - San Diego is due south):

That reddish-orange glow is where the sun is supposed to be. My office is closed again today. Looking to the west, it looks like the end of the world:

So far we've fared pretty well. The most we suffered is a broken tree from the gale force winds we've been having:

Right now, the winds are eerily calm, and there is a kind of unpleasant heat coming from everywhere at once. The smell of smoke is slight right now, but it will likely get worse as it descends on Temecula. I'm surprised they're letting the kids go to school here. At least the lack of wind will help the firefighters do their job.

Wildfires and Santa Ana

2007-10-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

Man, these Santa Ana winds are insane. They've already broken off a big chunk of one of my trees in the backyard, and destroyed a couple of EZ-ups in our neighborhood. Still, I'll take that over the fires that are engulfing the areas to the north and south of us right now. There is so much stuff in the air, your eyes water when you go outside, and visibility is terrible.

Right now, I'm just hoping we aren't evacuated, like so many other Southern Californians right now! If these damned winds would just die down, the firefighters could do their jobs.

Substitutiary Locomotion

2007-09-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Treguna...Mekoites...Tracorum...Satis...Dee

Substitutiary Locomotion
Mystic power that's far
Beyond the wildest notion
It's so weird,
So feared, Yet wonderful to see
Substitutiary Locomotion come to me

Treguna, Mekoites, Tracorum, Satis Dee
Treguna, Mekoites, Tracorum, Satis Dee

I don't want Locomotiary Substitution
Or remote Intransecory Convolution
Only one precise solution is the key
Substitutiary Locomotion it must be
Treguna, Mekoites, Tracorum, Satis Dee

Substitutiary Locomotion
Lovely Substitutiary Locomotion
You've made substitutiary history
With Treguna, Mekoites, and a little help from me
With Treguna, Mekoites, and Tracorum Satis Dee

Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum!

2007-09-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

Tis true, another TLAPD is apon us! Drink ye rum,

make sure ye software is pirated,

and toss a coin to yer first mate!

Oh, and don't forget to get ye a real pirate name!

- Pirate Walt the Ochre

Zooming in on my house

2007-08-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

This image slowly zooms in on my house. See if you can spot it before it zooms all the way in!

Trying out Polls

2007-07-31T17:47:00.000-07:00

Blogger just added the ability to add a poll to the sidebar. I think I'm going to try it out. Go ahead and vote already!!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster vs the Invisible Pink Unicorn

2007-06-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. This blog is turning into another video blog, but what the heck, I'm in charge here, and I thought this was pretty funny:

Reminds me of when I first saw Trogdor, the Burninator!

Check out all his majesty!!

Fujiya & Miyagi

2007-05-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what the words mean, or who the band is here, but this is a great video. Using the dots on dice to do these animations is just too cool! It amazes me how little information our brains need to see the images, especially in terms of motion.

Ankle Injuries

More Videos

Um, I just rolled a 4 trillion.

USB Missile Launcher

2007-05-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

Attention office mates! Drop your mice, put down your coffee mugs, and prepare to be boarded! The missiles are deployed, and ready for launch!

This is too cool. I'm seriously considering getting one of these things. It would be so great when people walk by my office, and see the missile launcher turning towards them: FIRE!! Down goes the mug! FIRE!! Down go the photocopies! FIRE!! Ooops... um.... Hi boss!! What's that? You want one too!! :-)

Domino PCs

2007-05-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

Here's something neat you can do with all thoses extra computers you have lying around:

Lego Chaingun

2007-05-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

This is pretty neat. This guy built a chaingun out of Legos that can fire rubberbands at 11 rounds per second. You can't really appreciate how cool this is until you look at the video:

Now I have all the pieces I need to build my Lego super robot!! Bwoo-hah-hah-haa!!!

(Well, I have the gun at least!)

LASIK at home... Really?

2007-04-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

OMG, this can't be for real. I'm scared enough as it is, regarding LASIK, and though I'd love to be contact/glasses-free, I'm not quite ready for LASIK. This home kit (if this isn't a joke, which I suspect it is), is too much.

The "How to" cartoon (above, but better seen here) shows how its done in "Four Easy Steps". Find a place without distractions? Yeah, THAT sounds promising.

FFFFVVVTT!! "Ouch!! Gol' danged phone!! Now I'm friggin' blind!!"

My favorite part of the cartoon, is the last frame, where it shows you enjoying all the benefits of perfect vision... including standing next to a target on an archery range!! LOL

Oh, and "Perform the painless procedure" has a footnote that reads "This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA" I think I'm going to order this kit right away!! For $100, its worth the risk of messing up my eyes!!

UPDATE: Okay, I did some searching, and found a link that explains that this is a hoax. Still pretty funny though!

Dragon Illusion

2007-04-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

I guess this one has been around for a long time, but this is the first time I've seen it - in this form at least. I've seen the hollow face illusion in Spencer's Gifts stores, and at amusement parks, but this one is pretty darn neat.

Why? Well, for one reason, you can download the PDF, and make one of your own! I did this, and it looks as good as the one in the video. It only took me about 10 minutes to make.

Update: I hadn't really looked around that site, but now that I have, I've discovered a lot of neat optical illusions and magic. If you like that sort of thing, I recommend sending a few minutes looking around the site. On one of the optical illusion pages, there is an interesting video of a guy who's head appears to pop off, and land in his hands! Very well done!

Mountain Dew Shower Gel

2007-04-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

Omigod, I think I could be in heaven. Bathing in Mountain Dew is like the last step in Dew godliness, I think. Like, this soap actually feeds Caffeine into your body through your skin:

Manufacturers claim their Shower Shock soap releases caffeine that is absorbed into the user's system and provides the same hit as a two cups of coffee.

Now if I can just figure out how to order the stuff...

Zombie Claus

2007-04-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

Oh no! Not Zombie Claus!!

Yeah, it's an old post on LaughingSquid.com, but I came across it looking for pictures of zombies (don't ask), and thought I'd share. What's with the kid anyway? He looks authentically scared there.

Actually, besides the pile of fake brains, and severed feet in the background, he's a pretty sad Zombie Claus.

Delete a Print Job... GUARANTEED

2007-04-09T22:13:00.000-07:00

I have this happen on occasion. I'm printing multiple copies of something, and suddenly, the printer stops. No errors, no weird printing, it just stops. I always think that the printer has printed all the copies I asked for (tonight it was 40), and figure all is well.

Then, I try to print something else. Nothing. Nothing at all. First reaction? Let's check the printer queue, and see what's going on. I look, and there's the document I printed earlier, and nothing else. The heck? Okay, so the logical next step is to "Cancel Document", and move on to bigger and better things.... except that this does not work. Sure, the little window SAYS it is canceling the document, but the damn thing never goes away. I can turn the printer off, and the computer off, and then everything back on, and its STILL there.

Every time before that this has happened to me, I fiddle for an hour, and then, without explanation, the stupid document goes away, and I'm running again. I never know what the magic set of keystrokes are that ultimately rid me of the printer gremlin, and so every time it happens, it costs me another hour of frustrating troubleshooting.

This time, I got smart. I decided to google the words "delete printing queue win XP" (I forgot to mention this is on a Win XP machine). I find a link (click title above) to this article on SearchWinComputing.com that basically walks you through the process of shutting off the spooler, killing the jobs manually (I'm actually deleting files!!), and starting the spooler back up again. Sweet. I was up and running in no time. I can't tell you how much joy it gave me to delete the troublesome files. They actually vanish the instant you press delete - imagine that! Definitely the neatest new computer trick I've learned in a long long time.

In case the article goes away (the internet is flaky like that), I'm going to reproduce the important bit here. I hope this is helpful to someone else out there:

If you're trying to delete a specific stuck print job, take note of the job's approximate time and date. Then do the following:

1. Close all open Printers folders.
2. Stop the Spooler service. In Windows 2000, this is done through the Services icon in Administrative Tools (found in the Control Panel); in Windows NT 4.0, it's done through the Services icon in the Control Panel. You can also stop the Spooler by typing NET STOP SPOOLER at a command prompt. If you're using TCP/IP Printing Services, you'll need to stop that service as well.
3. Open the %Winroot%System32SpoolPrinters directory (same in both operating systems). Make sure Explorer is set to view hidden and system files.
4. Delete all *.SPL and *.SHD files in that directory that match the time/date stamp of the job you're trying to kill. If you're trying to purge everything, delete all files with those extensions.
5. Close the Printers folder and restart the stopped services. You can restart the Spooler from the command line by typing NET START SPOOLER.

If you have too many "dead" spool files in the directory, you may also get this error whenever you try to print:

An application error has occurred and an application error log is being generated.
SPOOLSS.EXE (SPOOLSV.EXE in Win2K)
Exception: access violation (0xc0000005), Address:

This indicates that the directory may be overloaded with printer spooler files and needs to be cleaned. Also check into the system's TEMP directories and remove any *.TMP files. These can also be an obstacle; some printer drivers use the TEMP directory for rasterization of print jobs.

Mr. McGroovy's Box Rivets

2007-03-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is pretty cool. You can buy these "Box Rivets", and then build just about anything with cardboard.

As I'm a magician, and there are quite a few cardboard stage tricks out there, I think I'm going to be ordering a few of these.

Now, where the heck am I going to get some refridgerator boxes to build me a pirate ship... Yarrr!!

All Hail Dewkid!

2007-01-15T12:37:00.000-08:00

I just posted this message:

Listen

!!

Flash 9.0.28 Crashes Netscape 7.2

2007-01-05T17:42:00.000-08:00

I've always been a non-conformist, and as such, have clung to Netscape 7.2 for probably too long. I refuse to use IE on a regular basis, and even upgrading to Netscape 8.0 or beyond is repugnant to me. Don't talk to me about Mozilla: yeah, I tried it, but Netscape 7.2 is just so... stable.

Today, a happy little window popped up on my screen to inform me that a new version of Adobe Flash was available. Without thinking, I clicked "Install", and a few seconds later, it went away. All seemed good...

...until I visited my first website with a Flash movie. Suddenly, I was presented with the Microsoft crash dialog, and I quickly pressed Dont Send. The first time it happened, I thought it was a fluke, but after several tries to multiple sites, it dawned on me that Flash was the culprit.

Using IE, I pulled up Google, and typed the words "Flash Crashes Netscape", and after looking through some false hits, found this forum where others have seen this behavior. Following a link in that forum, I was able to download Flash Player 9.0.16 from here, and the flash uninstaller from here.

I uninstalled Flash 9.0.28, installed Flash 9.0.16, and all is well again. I didn't even have to reboot! Whew!

Now do you see why I hate to upgrade? I'm keeping Netscape 7.2 as long as I can, which mean Bill Gate can pry it from my cold dead fingers. No, change that. I wont DIE for it, but I will put up a good fight! Well, maybe an argument. Okay, if Bill asks me nicely I may switch to IE, but he's gunna have to see my angry face!

No Bag Babies!

2007-01-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

For Christmas this year, we decided to buy Dell laptops for our two oldest girls. The primary reason is for schoolwork, but surfing barbie.com or playing Zoo Tycoon never hurt either. They will also give them a chance to communicate on a more regular basis with their Grandparents who live 1000 miles away.

We ordered the laptops at a mall kiosk, and they arrived in record time (3 days!). Each laptop was in its own box. Inside the box was another box that contained accessories, and a styrofoam shell which protected the actual laptop. Opening the shell, the laptop is sealed in a foamy bag that sported a graphic of a suffocating child (see pic). Though I understood its meaning, my first reaction was to laugh at the image. My brother-in-law pointed out that it would make a good T-Shirt. Hmmm, I may just do that.

Mystery Science Theatre Mp3000

2007-01-01T11:16:00.000-08:00

This is too cool. A friend of mine (posts here as Seymour) pointed out a new website to me:

http://www.rifftrax.com/

If you ever watched MST3000, you'll recognize what this is right away. Essentially, these guys take movies, and then add a track of commentary to poke fun at it. This used to be on the Sci-Fi channel, but I don't think its on anymore.

Anyway, the website allows you to download the commentary as an MP3 file for any of the movies they have listed (there are quite a few now), and then play them in sync with the DVD of the movie that you provide (own or rent). I tried this with the latest release "Reign of Fire", and it was a blast. Very good comedy, and worth every penny (did I mention that there is a $2-3 charge for the download?)

The only pain, is that the MP3 file is too long to fit on a single CD (which is how I chose to play it). I had to use some software to split the MP3 into two chunks, and burn it to two CDs. The recommended way to listen to the track is with an MP3 player (ie., iPod). We actually have a couple of iPods, but no real way to play it through my stereo, which is where the TV is. I suppose I could have played the DVD on or near my computer, or even used the new iPod speakers I bought my wife for Christmas, but what's the fun in that!! :-)

Check it out, I dare ya!

Move to Blog Beta

2006-12-18T17:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, I wasn't going to do this, but then I did. I guess its cuz I was going to have to do it anyway. So, here I am on blogger beta, and things look a little different. Guess I'll get used to it.

Carnival Magic Show

2006-10-29T13:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my kids elementary school had a carnival. I had volunteered to setup a magic show booth for the kids, and do several shows. I went back and forth about being excited about it, and regretting it (too much work!), but now that its come and gone, I'm extremely happy I did it.

I built this booth out of PVC piping and black duck cloth (no, not made from ducks: its a heavy canvas that prevents light from passing through - very effective). It's kind of a pain to transport, but once it is setup, its very cool. I have this golden shimmering curtain which adds some flair to the booth, and give it the necessary "magic show" type of appearance. I put up a black bulletin board with my name ("The Mystery Magician") and showtimes (I did three shows: 3:30pm, 4:30pm and 5:30pm).

The first show I was a little nervous. You see, I normally do these things for birthday parties, and usually in someone's backyard or living room. This time, however, the engagement was an open forum, and anyone who wanted to see a magic show, needed only to sit down in front of the booth at the specified time. Anyway, the first show started off a bit slow, because there weren't that many people there at the start (10-20?). Once I got started, the audience (which was standing - first mistake!) slowly edged closer and closer, until I was being pressed back into my booth. Nevertheless, they seemed to enjoy themselves, and I had a ball showing off some of my best tricks.

The second show was different. This time, word had gotten around, and a MOB of people (adults and children alike) showed up. There had to be something like 50-70 people there! I encouraged them to sit on the ground (to prevent the press), and had demarked a line on the ground so they wouldn't get too close. The 2nd show was wonderful. I did some different tricks (for those repeat attenders), and some same tricks. The audience was one of the best I had ever performed for, and there was lots of interaction. Many of the kids would shout out that they knew how I did the trick, and then their jaws would drop to the ground when I changed it up. Pure joy!

The 3rd show was definitely the best, as I pulled out the stops. I did everything, from Cups and Balls, to Hippity-Hop Rabbits, to Rising Deck, to Cut-and-Restored rope. Some of the tricks I didn't think would play well, turned out to be my biggest hits (Stiff Rope, and Dove Pan)!

On Tuesday, I have my big Halloween show, where I will be levitating a Jack-O-Lantern, cutting my daughter's arm in two, and walking through barbed wire. Wish me luck!

Dancing Bananas?!?

2006-06-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is another one of those things that probably amuses me more than it should, much like Corn Cob Bob. I discovered the dancing banana on a little chat widget on Moody Minstrel's Blog, and have probably overdone my welcome there. :-) Still, that little dancing banana is so fun to watch (I enjoy the simple pleasures), especially in great numbers. So, tip one back for the dancing banana! Huzzah!

UPDATE 7/11/06 - Apparently, there is a Dancing Banana wiki entry. Check it out!

UPDATE 8/29/06 - Pa've suggested a dancing Goon. Though his picture is taken down, he looks something like an overgrown pickle. I know this is a cucumber, but it wouldn't take a lot of time to modify in a gif editor to make a dancing Goon!!

Mmmmmm, Hamwinkies

2006-05-31T14:09:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of "The Soup", these little treats are a meal and a snack, all in one! Great for backpacking, camping, boating, clubbing, or taking on your first date. Imagine her surprise when you whip one of THESE bad boys out!

Can't find them in stores? Print out the picture, and show the store manager. I'm sure they'll place an order right away, because no-one can resist these little guys!! I'm going to have one right now..... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hats of Meat

2006-05-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

I remember seeing this site once a long time ago, and then it vanished. A recent google search reveals that this site has returned once again, and it is bigger and better than ever! There's a fairly large section of photos people have sent in, showing their own hats of meat.

mmmmMMMMMEAT!

Cream of Meat

2006-05-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

The sun is just peeking up over the horizon, and you are straggling out of bed, looking for something to break your fast. Cereals don't give you what you need, and toast just aint cutting it. You need some Cream of Meat! Mmmmm that delicious red meaty goodness in a box! Make yourself a nice steamy bowl of Cream of Meat, and get your day started right!

Meat Moss

2006-05-04T22:47:00.000-07:00

If your lawn is looking a bit worn and tired, you're probably not giving it enough MEAT!! Try Meat Moss, and you'll see a change in your lawn that will make your neighbors jealous! Imagine having everyone over for a BBQ, and hearing comments like:

"What a firm healthy lawn!"
"That red grass really looks nice!"
"Where's Timmy?"

Yes, you'll be the envy of the neighborhood with Meat Moss!

Silly Signs Blog

2006-04-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

I just discovered this today: a blog that posts pictures of silly signs that people have photographed. Definitely worth a visit!

Mmmm Meat Thins

2006-03-08T21:50:00.000-08:00

Mmmmmm. It's late, and you are looking for that perfect snack to enjoy while watching the latest episode of Cops on your TiVo. Pretzels and Chips are too salty, and just not filling. Popcorn will do you good, but it just doesn't satisfy. You don't really want the sweet sweet taste of chocolate, because what you really want is some MEAT.

Meat Thins are juicy square morsels of meat packed in an airtight box that you can snack on anytime! Mmmmmm, I love those Meat Thins.

Donate Meat

2006-02-28T07:42:00.000-08:00

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEAT!!

Which Star Trek character are you?

2006-02-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

Apparently, I'm Beverly Crusher:

A good physician and a caring parent.
You are devoted to your children
and to your occupation.

SpaceSuit Satellite

2006-02-03T17:47:00.000-08:00

This is just strange. I guess its a good way to get rid of some trash....

MEAT!

2006-01-25T14:33:00.000-08:00

I don't know the source of this text, and neither did the person who sent it my way. I googled the first line, and came across a link that took me to the page linked above (click on MEAT!). Apparently this was printed in OMNI April 1991, credited to Terry Bisson. Since I think anything with the word MEAT in it is funny anyway (don't ask), I found this to be side-splitter:

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"

"So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"So what does the meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

Who is DewKid?

2006-01-12T17:59:00.000-08:00

One Week Away!

2005-09-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

Listen ye skalliwags, me favorite day is approachin' quick (barely half-a-fortnight!), and I expect this here ship to be ready. Swab the decks, and fly the Jolly Roger, 'cuz we've got ships to scuttle, and grog to swill! Arrrrr!!!

UPDATE
Just got these TLAPD pointers from Cap'n Slappy, and Ol' Chumbucket themselves:

* Aaarr! – Intersperse it into your conversation to add a patina of pirattitude! But remember – A little Aarrr! goes a long way.

* Me hearties – When all else fails, throw "me hearties" into any conversation. "Fill it with unleaded, me hearties!" "The doctor will see you now, me hearties!" "I'll have a pepperoni pizza with anchovies, me hearties!" See? You sound just like a freebooter fillin' his tank, or visitin' the doctor or whatever!

* At work – Don't answer the phone, "Hello? This is marketing ...." or whatever department ye work in. Scrunch up yer face and bellow into the blower, "Ahoy ye scurvy dog! How can I scuttle ye today!"

* At school – yer teacher is cap'n, yer principal is Admiral Wobblebottom, the class is yer crew and lunch is prepared in the galley.

* At parties and buccaneer bashes all weekend long – Make yer entrance to the cry, "Boarders away!" and make sure that any lubbers there know exactly who has the pirattitude and who doesn't.

* Where ever you are – Start the day by sending everyone you know a hearty "Aarrr!" in their e-mail or by phone. Ye'll feel better for it.

Hurricane Support at Walmart

2005-08-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

I figure its worth breaking my "DewKid Blog" silence for this:

I heard this morning that WalMart was accepting donations for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. You can go into any store, and donate money at any cashier.

Red Cross could always use the help too.

I'm looking at pictures of the damage and flooding in New Orleans: Oh My God. Lets all come together to help our fellow Americans in this time of crisis.

... and thus the end

2005-04-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a long while, and probably wont again. I'm tempted to delete this blog altogether, but I'm hesistant to do so for some reason.

Instead, I encourage you to visit my other, much more active blog: RealmSpeak.

Later!

DewKid

Lazy Baby filled with Beans

2004-10-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

I found this little cardboard heart in my car the other day. Seeing as I have three little girls, it likely fell off some doll that we purchased a while back.

Still, the title of the doll amused me, and I find myself using this sentance in regular everyday discussion:

"So, did you watch the debate on TV?"

"Nah, I'm just a lazy baby filled with beans."

Ngyaad!