Monday, December 18, 2006

Move to Blog Beta

Okay, I wasn't going to do this, but then I did. I guess its cuz I was going to have to do it anyway. So, here I am on blogger beta, and things look a little different. Guess I'll get used to it.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Carnival Magic Show

Yesterday, my kids elementary school had a carnival. I had volunteered to setup a magic show booth for the kids, and do several shows. I went back and forth about being excited about it, and regretting it (too much work!), but now that its come and gone, I'm extremely happy I did it.

I built this booth out of PVC piping and black duck cloth (no, not made from ducks: its a heavy canvas that prevents light from passing through - very effective). It's kind of a pain to transport, but once it is setup, its very cool. I have this golden shimmering curtain which adds some flair to the booth, and give it the necessary "magic show" type of appearance. I put up a black bulletin board with my name ("The Mystery Magician") and showtimes (I did three shows: 3:30pm, 4:30pm and 5:30pm).

The first show I was a little nervous. You see, I normally do these things for birthday parties, and usually in someone's backyard or living room. This time, however, the engagement was an open forum, and anyone who wanted to see a magic show, needed only to sit down in front of the booth at the specified time. Anyway, the first show started off a bit slow, because there weren't that many people there at the start (10-20?). Once I got started, the audience (which was standing - first mistake!) slowly edged closer and closer, until I was being pressed back into my booth. Nevertheless, they seemed to enjoy themselves, and I had a ball showing off some of my best tricks.

The second show was different. This time, word had gotten around, and a MOB of people (adults and children alike) showed up. There had to be something like 50-70 people there! I encouraged them to sit on the ground (to prevent the press), and had demarked a line on the ground so they wouldn't get too close. The 2nd show was wonderful. I did some different tricks (for those repeat attenders), and some same tricks. The audience was one of the best I had ever performed for, and there was lots of interaction. Many of the kids would shout out that they knew how I did the trick, and then their jaws would drop to the ground when I changed it up. Pure joy!

The 3rd show was definitely the best, as I pulled out the stops. I did everything, from Cups and Balls, to Hippity-Hop Rabbits, to Rising Deck, to Cut-and-Restored rope. Some of the tricks I didn't think would play well, turned out to be my biggest hits (Stiff Rope, and Dove Pan)!

On Tuesday, I have my big Halloween show, where I will be levitating a Jack-O-Lantern, cutting my daughter's arm in two, and walking through barbed wire. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Dancing Bananas?!?

This is another one of those things that probably amuses me more than it should, much like Corn Cob Bob. I discovered the dancing banana on a little chat widget on Moody Minstrel's Blog, and have probably overdone my welcome there. :-) Still, that little dancing banana is so fun to watch (I enjoy the simple pleasures), especially in great numbers. So, tip one back for the dancing banana! Huzzah!

UPDATE 7/11/06 - Apparently, there is a Dancing Banana wiki entry. Check it out!

UPDATE 8/29/06 - Pa've suggested a dancing Goon. Though his picture is taken down, he looks something like an overgrown pickle. I know this is a cucumber, but it wouldn't take a lot of time to modify in a gif editor to make a dancing Goon!!

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Mmmmmm, Hamwinkies

Courtesy of "The Soup", these little treats are a meal and a snack, all in one! Great for backpacking, camping, boating, clubbing, or taking on your first date. Imagine her surprise when you whip one of THESE bad boys out!

Can't find them in stores? Print out the picture, and show the store manager. I'm sure they'll place an order right away, because no-one can resist these little guys!! I'm going to have one right now..... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hats of Meat

I remember seeing this site once a long time ago, and then it vanished. A recent google search reveals that this site has returned once again, and it is bigger and better than ever! There's a fairly large section of photos people have sent in, showing their own hats of meat.


Friday, May 05, 2006

Cream of Meat

The sun is just peeking up over the horizon, and you are straggling out of bed, looking for something to break your fast. Cereals don't give you what you need, and toast just aint cutting it. You need some Cream of Meat! Mmmmm that delicious red meaty goodness in a box! Make yourself a nice steamy bowl of Cream of Meat, and get your day started right!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Meat Moss

If your lawn is looking a bit worn and tired, you're probably not giving it enough MEAT!! Try Meat Moss, and you'll see a change in your lawn that will make your neighbors jealous! Imagine having everyone over for a BBQ, and hearing comments like:

"What a firm healthy lawn!"
"That red grass really looks nice!"
"Where's Timmy?"

Yes, you'll be the envy of the neighborhood with Meat Moss!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Silly Signs Blog

I just discovered this today: a blog that posts pictures of silly signs that people have photographed. Definitely worth a visit!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Mmmm Meat Thins

Mmmmmm. It's late, and you are looking for that perfect snack to enjoy while watching the latest episode of Cops on your TiVo. Pretzels and Chips are too salty, and just not filling. Popcorn will do you good, but it just doesn't satisfy. You don't really want the sweet sweet taste of chocolate, because what you really want is some MEAT.

Meat Thins are juicy square morsels of meat packed in an airtight box that you can snack on anytime! Mmmmmm, I love those Meat Thins.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Donate Meat


Monday, February 13, 2006

Which Star Trek character are you?

Apparently, I'm Beverly Crusher:

A good physician and a caring parent.
You are devoted to your children
and to your occupation.

Friday, February 03, 2006

SpaceSuit Satellite

This is just strange. I guess its a good way to get rid of some trash....

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


I don't know the source of this text, and neither did the person who sent it my way. I googled the first line, and came across a link that took me to the page linked above (click on MEAT!). Apparently this was printed in OMNI April 1991, credited to Terry Bisson. Since I think anything with the word MEAT in it is funny anyway (don't ask), I found this to be side-splitter:

"They're made out of meat."


"Meat. They're made out of meat."


"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"

"So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"So what does the meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"


"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

Thursday, January 12, 2006